Hey guys. I hope you’re doing well. Today’s post is a bit more personal and could be a bit triggering to those who are going through a tough break-up themselves. So, please take this as my warning to you.
Back when I was in high school, I was an avid manga reader and anime watcher (still am, but it’s rather difficult to actually binge-watch nowadays). One of my favorite manga to read was (and still is since I have A LOT to catch up on) Horimiya. I love the dynamic between the characters and even considered it my goal for love (as cheesy as it sounds).
Fast-forward a few years and I’m in college—dating my highschool crush. It was absolute bliss. I remember being so happy that I would write in my journal that being in the relationship I was in was the reason for me to smile every day. I would mention him every now and then in my own posts even. We dated for around 2 ½ years. Of course, as you could probably tell from the title, we broke up around 3 years ago. We haven’t really spoken since then. I was absolutely devastated to be honest with you guys. I didn’t have any control over my emotions for a while and I even felt lost in my career path. I had been blindly making everything about him, to the point that I didn’t have any room for myself. To be fair, I was still in the lowest of the low emotionally even before the break-up, but that made things worse.
After a while, I just decided to try to forget him as soon as possible. I started to fill my time up as much as I possibly could—to the point where I would forget to set aside time for myself. I stopped having time to watch anime or read anything really. I ended up practically working and studying 16 hours daily while giving myself 8 hours of sleep. Honestly, there were times where my mind would go back to him and think of the countless “what-ifs”, but I kept on shaking away the thoughts as soon as they came. Working day in and day out made me forget so many things that I didn’t even have time to think about him for the most part.
Then came this year. Since I’m working and taking classes remotely, I have a lot more time to actually sit down and do everything that I’ve been missing out on for the past few years (watch anime, play video games, read manga, etc). Of course, since the anime for Horimiya came out, I had to watch it. I watch it every single week without delay. In fact, I keep it scheduled in my calendar to watch it the day that a new episode gets released. I would gush over how cute the plot is along with the dynamic of the characters… then came episode 7.
Now, there was nothing sad about episode 7. Quite the opposite. It was absolutely adorable and had many moments that made me fangirl. However, near the end of the episode, I noticed my heart was starting to physically hurt a lot and tears were endlessly falling down. I didn’t understand what was going on. I couldn’t stop crying. I ended up passing out from crying.
The next morning, I asked my tarot deck (yes, I am a tarot reader) what exactly happened to me the night before. The reading came out that it was heartbreak. I created such a tight schedule for myself that I never really gave myself any time to heal. While I was in a better place mentally, that didn’t mean that my heart felt the same. Afterward, I decided to give myself the time to heal that I should’ve given myself years ago. I stayed in bed for the next couple of days until my heart slowly stopped being in pain and I didn’t have a single tear rolling down my face. Needless to say, I feel—and am—a lot better now.
It’s funny, people to this day don’t understand how fiction can change a person’s life. Fiction has that kind of power. We feel so many emotions thanks to it, but we never really pay much mind to it since “it’s not real”. Yes, it isn’t real, but that doesn’t mean that the lessons you learn and the emotions you feel aren’t real too. They are very real. I learned that the hard way, but hey, it’s better late than never right?
My take is this, if you ever lose someone (whether it be a breakup or death), PLEASE give yourself time to heal. It’s never healthy to just move on and think everything will be okay. It’s okay to let your emotions flow every once in a while. Everything else can wait. Give yourself time. It will all be okay. You have people who love you. Please talk to them. If not, you can journal or find help. There is always someone out there who will help you get through this.
This was really emotional for me. If you made it this far, thank you. I really do appreciate it. I know this post is longer than what I normally write. If you read up to this point, once again thank you. I don’t really know what else to say, so I guess I’ll just go with my normal outro. Until next time, keep your paws and bowls of ramen up, everyone! Nya! 🐾Take care.